(Ill) A young preacher began a new ministry in KY and on his first Sunday preached on the evils of smoking. The elders called him aside after the service and told him of the importance the tobacco crop had on the local economy, and warned him not to preach on smoking again.

The second Sunday the young preacher spoke on the evils of gambling, but a similar meeting with the elders took place, and he was informed of thee horse business of the Bluegrass, and gambling became a topic he was not to return to.

On his third Sunday, drinking was the subject matter, but alas, KY's bourbon industry was mentioned and the young preacher was warned to avoid that issue.

On his fourth Sunday, the young preacher marched to the pulpit and announced, "Today, I will be speaking on the dangers of fishing in international waters."

T/S: It's hard to be relevant when you don't speak to the "whole counsel of God." Tip-toeing around subject matter because it makes us uncomfortable or gets us in trouble, puts us in a position where God not only isn't allowed to work in our life, but He doesn't even matter at all.

I am reminded of this truth when I face the task of addressing what the Bible teaches about marriage. This week I went through hundreds of Scripture passages relating to marriage, and what being a godly wife meant and looked like. And I reached this inescapable conclusion: You can't talk about being a godly wife, in a lasting marriage, without talking about submission. (I almost want to whisper that word, like we do "Cancer.")

Submission is not one of culture's "power-words-of-the-day." Submission is not the word we race to include in our marital vows. And, I don't know a husband dumb enough to answer the question "What makes your wife so special?" with the reply "She is so submitted to me!"

And yet, when the Bible describes the attributes of a godly wife, time and time again, God's Word says that a wife should submit to her husband, as unto the Lord. A woman's submission both pleases God (that is, it is a matter of obedience to Him) and it is a result of being in relationship to God. (In other words, I think it's safe to say that submission is a quality made possible in a woman because Christ is in her heart.)

So, it seems necessary to me that we ask What is submission?

(ill) The famous conductor Leonard bernstein was once asked what was the most difficult instrument to play. Bernstein replied, ?Second fiddle."

T/S: Is submission easy? Or natural? Maybe not, but it also cannot be compelled, it can only be freely given.

For a moment, then, let's ask What does a wife's submission look like?

We would view dishonoring God, in word or in action, as a betrayal of Him. We cannot be submitted without honoring. If a store ?honors' a credit card, it acceepts the piece of plastic as authority for payment. A wife that honors her husband accepts his authority.

The Bible clearly makes submission a reflection of a woman's relationship with God. What is left out is the conditions. Oh, we are quick to make those conditions. "I would honor him, IF he ?.. {fill in the blank.}" But the Bible doesn't say submit to your husband IF he is worthy of respect and honor. When you took him as your husband, you addressed his worthiness at the altar. [Remember, next week we're going to make clear to husbands that God expects ? indeed, demands, some conditions. But the wife's duty to honor and respect her husband's position, is not dependent on how well he performs.

(ill) An employer was once irritated at the lack of respect he received on the job, so at lunch one day. He stopped off at a sign shop a bought a sign that read "I'm the boss!" He put it up on his office door, but came back the next morning to find a note reading "Your wife called. She wants her sign back."

T/S; Nothing emasculates a man, and robs him of his ability to be strong, than a wife who undercuts him. A wife that dishonors him.

What if a husband is not worthy of respect? What if he is a lousy husband? What if he is not following God's directive to love sacrificially? The Bible addresses that.

But let's be clear: this section of Scripture addresses a husband failing to love God or his wife with the commitment and dedication the Bible expects. This verse DOES NOT speak to abusive men or unfaithful husbands. Remember, the power of God's marriage covenant is in intimacy, fidelity and unity. When a husband breaks those marital bonds, with violence, abuse, fear, threats, intimidation or unfaithfulness ? the Bible provides a wife with escape avenues. Nothing in the Bible tells us that God expects a woman to take abuse in the name of submission. That shows a total lack of understanding of Biblical submission.

What the Bible does say is that a godly wife will honor and respect her husband.

During the week, Robin asked me how the sermon was coming along, and I told her I had discovered that you couldn't talk about marriage without talking about sex. She wanted to know if I was going to tell any personal stories.

After studying God's Word this week I have come to this conclusion: No Christian man wants his wife to look like a fundamentalist.

And the Bible clearly includes, as one aspect of a wife's submission, the responsibility to physically satisfy her husband's needs.

If there is any place where the contrast between men and women is any more distinct, I don't know where it is. Men and women view sexual relations differently. Men and women's need for sex is different. Study after study after study have demonstrated reliably that the #1 need for men in marriage is sexual fulfillment. The #1 reason given by men involved in affairs was that their wife did not meet their needs.

Did God know that the sex drive was so powerful in men? Absolutely, because He created men that way ? not as a cruel joke, but because properly channeled, that drive becomes a motivation to love his wife the way she wants to be loved, so that she will love him back the way he wants to be loved.

Wives intent on submitting to God and their husbands are attractive women. Evdeence is in the context of the 1 Peter passage we've looked at.

That passage is talking about Sarah, Abraham's wife, who was the envy of every king, in every country that they traveled. When King Abimilech desired Sarah, she was over 70 years old! And she was hot! And the Bible says it was because she was submitted to Abraham, and submitted to God, that she possessed this powerful attraction.

So ladies, don't think being spiritual means ignoring the physical side of marriage. Like the little girl who came home from first grade to tell her Mom and Dad that ?Billy Brown kissed me at school today." How did that happen, her astonished parents asked.? It took 3 other girls to help me, but we finally chased him down and caught him!

God's intention was for a man and woman to look out for each other, to makee each other whole and complete. And our needs as humans go further than our physical needs. In the Garden of Eden, God provided men and women to each other as helpmates, as companions.

(ill) Anybody remember the movie Karate Kid? The kid goes to Miagi'a house to learn karate, but old Miagi keeps giving him menial tasks like wshing the car and painting the fence. Toward the end of he day, an exasperated kid explodes "You promised to teach me karate, but all you're making me do is the chores you don't like!"

And Miagi shows him how the motions learned in such mundane tasks were the foundation of developing the martial arts.

T/S; Marriage is like that, too. Submission is not always accompanied by trumpets and fanfare. A wife's desire to please he husband is seen most often in the little, mundane things she does every day.

When was the last time you thought of picking up your husband's dirty socks and underwear .. washing, drying, folding and putting them up .. . as service to the Lord? But I don't know a husband who doesn't love opening his drawers to find clean clothes.

(ill) I am often reminded of Robin's love for me when she cooks. Not just that she cooks, but because she chooses food that she knows I like. Because she wants to please me. (And it works!)

Wives who enrich their husbands lives, honor their husbands as they honor God. I am enriched by my wife's willingness to talk through a sermon, or watch a game of hockey ? in the same way as with household chores. Men this is not an excuse to leave the dishes for your wife to do ?. It's a reminder to appreciate that every little thing your wife does for you is an act of honor and submission .. and an invitation to love her back.

Five times, the woman I Song of Solomon tells of he admiration for her husband. She tells him. She tells her girlfriends. She tells the watchman. She tells the people on the street. My man is great!!

Speaking as a man, nothing in the world is quite like having your wife say "My man is great!" And you know what - I need Robin to tell me, and tell her friends, and tell you that I am great. I can hear a 100 people tell me that I preached a good sermon, but her opinion matters more. The entire community may think that I am a good father, but her opinion is the only one that matters.

Men can find identity and purpose in their jobs and accomplishments ? but they can find no satisfaction without someone to share them with. Someone who will make them feel worthwhile for who they are and what they do.

Godly wives recognize that task is a part of submitting to their husbands.

I really wanted to word this wisdom from the Bible in a positive way, but Scripture speaks in some Thou shalt now terms here.

(ill) A woman was checking out at the department store and looking for her credit card. As she dug through her purse, she laid a TV remote on the counter. Did you pick that up by mistake? He didn't want to go shopping, so I figured this was the best way I could hurt him.

T./S: I know couples who are masters at aggravating each other. I don't know any whose marriage lived happily ever after.

I've heard it said, Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage: he never had to hear about all the other boys that wanted to marry her, and she never had to hear how good his mother could cook.

T/S; Do wives always agree with everything their husbands do? Of course not! What we're talking about here is the decision of how a wife will treat her husband. I've never met a man who improved his disposition or got anything more done because his wife nagged. Never heard a co-worker smile and tell me how excited he was to go home and listen to his wife get on his case.

It's that thing about catching more flies with honey than vinegar.

God's plan for marriage was for two people, created and wired opposite from each other .. would come together, lay aside themselves and seek to meet the needs of their mate. To abandon our own desires, agendas and be willing to get in the skin of another person.

God used different language to describe this scenario: submission for women, sacrifice for men. Because that addresses the unique differences in men and women, the thing that keeps us from total unselfishness.

Required because Harley Willard book His Needs, Her Needs showed how different we are:

Conversation Attractive spouse Affection

Sexual fulfillment Recreational companionship Honesty and openness

Financial support Domestic Support Admiration

A man must sacrifice himself. A woman must submit herself. Just like we do when we come to Jesus. Lay down our pride. Lay down our self.. Rest our faith and trust in Him.